Anyone who has known me for more than say a day or so would probably describe me as a fairly quiet, rather tame individual who leans towards the more serious side than playful side on most occasions. While I am not always proud of it, I tend to be rather shy in social settings and gravitate away from the center of attention. It's not that I don't like to have fun or that I don't enjoy being around people, it's just that I am not always comfortable in the limelight. It's something I have been working on changing about who I am, but it's not always easy to simply change the person you have been since birth. Then again, what if you give birth to a new you?
OK, that sounds a little silly, and maybe even a little contradictory, but hear me out. I've noticed that as my level of fluency in Spanish has grown, so has my so-called Spanish personality. No, I don't jump out of a phone booth wearing a Mariachi hat nor do I suddenly start dancing the tango when I attempt to speak Spanish with a native speaker, however I do find that some of my actions and even the phrases I use are slightly uncharacteristic of the me who only speaks English. I didn't notice it immediately, but I found I felt much more daring or even risque when joking with some of my Spanish speaking employees. When I finally did see how my Spanish personality acted, I decided to sit down and figure out why it was I could suddenly liven up the room when using Spanish but I still hid in the shadows when speaking English.
First, and foremost, without a doubt, confidence plays a huge role in all of this. I may only know 25% of the Spanish language, compared to what I may know in English, so when I attempt to converse with a native speaker and all goes well, my confidence shoots through the roof. I get an adrenaline rush from my success and feel like I'm on top of the world. Suddenly, my jokes are funny, the ladies find me attractive, and I can order my burritos with extra hot sauce. I wish it were this simple when it came to speaking English, but unfortunately, I'm not breaking any new ground when I speak in my native language.
Getting that surge of confidence allows me to take a chance to try to say things in Spanish that maybe I'm not 100% sure about. Sure, I still make a lot of mistakes, but when I see that I am being understood, I just want to keep talking. I suppose the opposite is true if I really start stumbling along but usually once I get going, it's hard to stop. Of course that leads me to my other discovery. Sometimes, knowing less is actually more helpful. In English, I always want to say the perfect thing and often that leads me to hesitate when I speak or simply not speak at all. Any native English speaker knows there are a million different ways to say so many things. Well, since my vocabulary in Spanish is quite condensed, I only know how to say a lot of things in one way. To a native speaker I may sound silly, but to me, I'm getting my point across. I may not sound quite like my eloquent English speaking self when I am speaking Spanish, which I've decided just adds a little to my Spanish speaking personality.
Instead of worrying that I don't know enough or that I won't be understood, I have allowed myself to be comfortable using what I do know and that has really freed up my personality to come out and express itself a bit. As I said, it's a shame I can't do the same in English, but I'm working on it. In the meantime, I'll continue exploring the Spanish side of me and maybe someday it will teach the original me how to have some fun!
I'd love to know more about anyone else's foreign language personalities and if they have helped you come along as a second language speaker or even if it has helped your native speaking self! Keep me posted and I'll add more soon.
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